I love some of these really strange dreams…
Anyways, last night, in my dream (I hope it was a dream), I was making a snack when the toaster started making noises to get my attention. It was basically doing the toaster’s version of "ahem!" nice and loud.
So, I look over, and the toaster says, "Hey, I need to talk to you a second."
I told the toaster, "Sure, go ahead. You have my attention."
The toaster told me, "I am not feeling very well utilized lately. I feel that I am not contributing to the household enough. To be honest, I am scared that you might notice that I don’t do much and will put me away into a cabinet or, Appliance Heaven forbid, throw me away."
The toaster sounded severely depressed to me. So I said, "Hey, that isn’t an issue. We all love you."
The toaster said, "Hey, don’t patronize me. You know you were mad when I burned your bagel last week. You haven’t used me since then."
Crap, he had me there. I was pissed. I really wanted a toasted bagel, and the damned toaster burned my last one. OK, this was not going well. My toaster was really hurting, and I was hungry. So we talked some more. He asked to be cleaned out more, and I agreed that I would help out with that. He asked that I not put him next to the oven as his little plastic feet got way too hot when the oven was on, so I agreed to move him.
After talking some more, I could tell the toaster was a bit happier, but he still was not happy that he could not contribute more to the household. He said, "There has to be something else I can do. Can I answer the phone?"
"No," I explained, "that is the job of the answering machine. You wouldn’t want her to get upset, would you?"
Anyways, we agreed to discuss some other tasks for him over the next few days. So, now I am trying to figure out what I can have my toaster do for me to help make him happier.
When I woke up, I made some toast, buttered it, and said in a fairly loud voice, "Mmmmm, that is good toast!" I hope the toaster heard me and doesn’t burn any more bagels.
Update: After some group therapy, the toaster is starting to get past its issues.