Drink to Your Health

I remember a few years back watching Cheers. Cliff was explaining to Norm how natural selection and alcohol worked together. Basically it went like this:

“Well ya see, Norm, it’s like this… A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones a! t the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only! operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”

I have subscribed to this theory for a few years.

Anyways, last night, I was having a real problem getting to sleep. My mind kept racing. I kept thinking of stupid things that kept me awake. Every time I tried to lay down to sleep, the same things would run through my mind over and over again. Finally, I got out of bed, and I got a nice glass of single malt scotch (Talisker) and drank it while watching Family Guy on my DVR. Afterwards, I slept wonderfully.

I am now convinced, upon reviewing the situation, that the alcohol killed off the defective brain cells that were looping data and causing my mind to race. I think I will drink more often.

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